Apparently something named Jack Harlow is or is about to be a “thing”. He looks like someone who you really really really don’t want to end up on your pick-up basketball team cuz you just know he’s going to take terrible shots and not shut the fuck up the whole game. Anywho, this Jack Harlow is the quintessential “white rapper”. Which begs the question of where exactly does Mr. Harlow land on the list of worst white rappers of all-time?
Now me thinks we should probably start off by acknowledging that almost by definition EVERY “white rapper” is the worst. It’s just that like everything there’s levels to this shit and so some white rappers are less worse than others and two white rappers (MCA and AD-Rock) are legit “good” (Mike D touches good on occasion but overall he’s merely almost good) and then there’s Eminem who is well Eminem. He’s basically an entity unto himself. But the rest. The rest are the worst.
Hi-Top Top 10 Worst White Rappers of All-Time
10. Scotty “Mad Skillz” Caan
“Mad Skillz” is of course now know as Scott Caan, aka Le Cap’s favorite actor of all-time. But before he was Dan-O he was one half of the Tommy Boy Records duo The Whooligans. Side-note the other Whooligan Mudfoot eventually changed his name to The Alchemist and did go on to a respectable Hip-Hop career as a producer. This was sadly…thankfully…the Whoos one and only offering, a proto Cypress Hill rip-off and is best left in the dust bin of the early 90s.
9. MC Paul Barman
Honestly the name and this photo are all the info you will ever need.
8. Jack Harlow
Once again name and photo pretty much tell the tale but in Harlow’s case I’ll also add that this dude has some of the highest levels of irrational confidence ever seen by someone who thinks lines like “Before I met Drizzy I knew he and I would get along” are anything other than the cringiest of cringe rapping ever set to tape.
7. Danny Boy
House of Pain was a great idea with one and half songs. And by far the weakest link in this faux Irish outfit was the most Irish guy in the group, Danny Boy. Look Danny Boy seems like a genuine guy and I’m glad he had a nice little romance with Punky Brewster but man alive the dude sucked at rapping.
6. Dirt Nasty
Yes Dirt Nasty is Simon Rex. Yes that is all you need to know.
5. Lil Xan
No. Just no.
4. Sammy Adams
Thank Christ this dude disappeared.
3. Insane Clown Posse
Magnets are really kinda dope when you think about tho. Like how do they work??????
Anything I would ever want to know about this tool I can gather from this one photo and I know it’s all one giant bag of suck.
There’s a case to be made that not only is this the worst rap song of all-time but it might just be the worst song period. Like the absolute most trash piece of music ever created. By anyone. Professional or not. Like I could accidentally sit my butt on a Casio keyboard and produce a higher quality of noise than this garbage fire.
That’s it. That’s the list. Facts is facts and the fact is that you all subjected Vanilla Ice to a life time of therapy sessions and he ain’t even make the Top 10. In fact “Ice Ice Baby” is a legit rap masterpiece. “Ninja Rap” on the other hand…..