The Major Leagues and their
Asshole Owners may be intent on destroying America’s Pastime but lucky for us College Baseball is doing it’s damnedest to save the Sport one ridiculously named player at a time.
The collegiate ranks have some real dousys when it comes to player names. Here’s the Starting 9.
Hi-Top Starting 9 College Baseball All-Name Team
9. Gehrig Anglin – Wright St.
8. McGwire Holbrook – Virginia Tech
The tradition of naming your little boy after a ball player goes a long way back, the most famous being Mickey Mantle getting named after Mickey Cochrane then inspiring a legion of future Mickeys himself. These two cases though, Gehrig and McGwire, whoa boy. First off, there are times when a last name makes a good first name but this ain’t it in either case. Secondly, naming your kid after a guy who died of one of the most agonizing diseases possible or a guy rightly maligned for being a ‘roid head, well both are let’s say interesting choices.
7. Vance Honeycutt – UNC
Vance Honeycutt is a 1970s Burt Reynolds character who runs moonshine and gets all the ladies and also hits bombs for the local minor league team.
6. Brad Cumbest – Ole Miss
Better than Cumworst, I suppose.
5. Dakota Kotowski – Missouri State
Just a flat out great baseball name.
4. Homer Bush Jr. – Grand Canyon
College baseball player or secret Bush family member that no one talks about cuz he’s a little “funny”.
3. Trenton Quartermaine – Ball State
Mr. Quartermaine is also Student Body President, head of the Young Republicans club, treasure at the Yacht Club, and founder of local fox hunt society.
2. Trotter Harlan – College of Charleston
If there wasn’t a Trotter on the Gas House Gang Cardinals of the 1930s there should have been.
1. Hayden Leatherwood – Ole Miss
Leather. Wood. The two essential materials needed for a game of baseball. Hard to think there has ever been a better last name for a ball player.
That’s it. That’s the list. Facts is facts and the fact is that while there are a lot of great baseball names it’s hard to top a guy named after the very equipment needed to play the sport. It’s like a dude named Pigskin playing football or a lady named Racket on the WTA. Can’t beat Leatherwood.