So by now of course we have all seen the viral clip of “Dunkies Girl” outside the Fenway voting line:
Well our intrepid Boston office has secured an “exclusive interview” with the one and only Dunkies Girl.
Reporter: First off thank you for taking the time to talk to us here at Hi-Top.
Dunkies Girl: Oh no dahlin’ it’s my pleasah!
R: So of course the world wants to know, what is your go to Dunkin’ order?
DG: You know I hafta to get my Large Iced with 5 sugahs. Can’t get through the day without it!
R: Oh believe you me I know. I know. So now that you are big celebrity and all we have to ask, who would be your dream Boston date?
DG: Well you know I love Matt and Ben, they’re my boys but honestly I’ve always had a thing for Dan Shaughnessy. I just love those curls ya know. And he’s very smaht. That’s very attractive to me.
R: You’re obviously a big Boston sports fan. Who’s your favorite Red Sox player?
DG: Well first off let me say, fuck John Henry for trading Mookie, okay. Like that was not right. All this talk about setting up the franchise for the future well hell you have an MVP guy who’s in the prime of his career. An ownership group with more money than God and they’re talking about payroll flexibility. Give me a break, ya know? You can sign stars and build a solid prospect system. The two ain’t mutually exclusive. Secondly, Johnny Pesky totally held the ball back in ’46, let’s get that one straight. Next I’d like to say that I’m still shook up about what happened to Nick Esasky in ’90. If the Sox had just signed him he never would have caught that vertigo. And he was so handsome. Just a shame. Thirdly if I had to pick just one, well it would have to be Tim Naehring. There was something about those uneven legs of his that really did it for me ya know.
R: Alrighty then. Well thank you for your time.
DG: My pleasah, my pleasah.