Hi-Top Top 5 Totally True Things That Definitely Happened According to Mark Lanegan From Screaming Trees

If there’s one thing the Lil’ Dogg truly loves it’s reading a rock n roll memoir. Good, bad or indifferent – this pup will read them all. Some are great. Some are terrible. And the correlation between how famous or successful the rock n rolla was and how good the book truly makes no sense. One of the best is Dean Wareham’s “Black Postcards” and there’s probably only a hundred people who even know who the hell Dean Wareham is.

Mark Lanegan falls into the rock star category of “Sounds familiar….ummm was he the guy in Mudhoney????” No that would be the other Seattle Mark, Mark Arm.

Lanegan was leading singer of one hit grunge wonders Screaming Trees:

Yeah that song from Singles.

Lanegan like every other 90s era Seattle grunger was a notorious heroin junkie and his memoir Sing Backwards and Weep is billed as having some salacious tales of the old Seattle days.

Count me in right?

Well you get more than you bargained for with this one cuz it turns out Mark Lanegan is an all-time teller of absolute WHOOPERS. The claims this guy makes are absurd.

Hi-Top Top 5 Totally True Things That Definitely Happened For Real According to Mark Lanegan

5. Mark Lanegan set Matt Dillon’s coat on fire

According to Mark Lanegan, Mark Lanegan knew that the movie Singles was going to be a totally lame Hollywood rip off of the very special “Seattle Music Scene” and not only did he not want to be a part of it but Screaming Trees never made any money from the use of “Nearly Lost You” in the film and on the soundtrack. Ok sure buddy. But the real whopper is that according to Mark Lanegan, years later Mark Lanegan was at a bar drinking with Single star actor Matt Dillon and Mark Lanegan put a lit cigarette in Matt Dillon’s sport coat, setting the coat on fire, and then walked away.

What more likely actually happened: Mark Lanegan snuck a used cigarette butt into Matt Dillon’s coat pocket while Dillon wasn’t looking then ran away.

4. Mark Lanegan Stole 70 Bicycles and Threw Them In a River

This one is so dumb it might actually be true. 70? That’s such a stupid specific number that would only be claimed if you were completely making up the story in order to make it sound more believable.

3. Mark Lanegan was totally going to kick Liam Gallagher’s Ass except he didn’t

The thing about Mark Lanegan is that everyone else is always the asshole. Mark Lanegan is just trying to get high and get laid and people keep getting in his way. Here’s the rub tho, if you think everyone single person you meet is an asshole then maybe just maybe you are actually the asshole. Now granted Liam Gallagher is certainly no saint and I’m sure many people have wanted to kick his ass but the way in which Mark Lanegan just happens to miss his opportunity cuz the tour ends before their scheduled fight is just too perfect.

2. Every Woman Wants to Sleep with Mark Lanegan

Mark Lanegan had to stop hanging out with his super best friend Kurt Cobain cuz Courtney Love would not stop trying to sleep with him. Layne Staley’s girlfriend also tried to sleep with Mark Lanegan. As did every woman in Seattle and any other city Mark Lanegan happened to be in. And he totally slept with them all. Except for the girlfriends of his super famous best friends. But they totally wanted to.

1. Mark Lanegan is the reason Nirvana existed

According to Mark Lanegan, Nirvana would never have existed if it were not for the grace and genius of Mark Lanegan. Krist Novoselic called Mark Lanegan sometime in the late 80s begging to quit Nirvana and join Screaming Trees. And Mark Lanegan talked Krist out of quitting Nirvana because he and only he could see that Nirvana was going to be world alteringly important. So really we all have Mark Lanegan to thank for Smells Like Teen Spirit and by extension all the great music of the 1990s.

Thank you Mark Lanegan. The world is truly not worthy of all your great accomplishments which certainly are not limited to that one good song from the Singles soundtrack.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s