On March 24, 1984 a Brain, an Athlete, a Basketcase, a Princess and a Criminal got deep with each other in the world’s most unrealistic High School Library.
In honor of that momentous occasion Hi-Top has properly ranked each participant from that historic Saturday.
Hi-Topper Top 5 Breakfast Club Characters
5. Brian’s Mom
This hero of a woman has two kids, drives a beat up Dodge with an “EMC2” license plate and just wants her failure of a son to do his goddamn homework so he can get into Northwestern. Instead Brian can’t even make an elephant lamp in shop class. Now she has to spend her Saturday morning driving him to detention before taking her daughter to piano lessons and not to mention getting the grocery shopping done.
4. Richard Vernon
Richard Vernon makes $31,000 a year and has a home and for that he has to spend every Saturday running detention for a bunch of wiseass punks. 6 days a week this guy busts his hump for Shermer High School and this is the thanks he gets.
3. Andrew’s Dad
Is it too much to ask for your son to be a star athlete getting a full ride to college and not screw it up by being a discipline case? Andrew’s dad gets it. He screwed around. He understands that boys will be boys. Sometimes you just gotta tape another guys buns together. And that’s okay. But getting caught? Winners don’t get caught.
2. Carl Reed
If you are Man of the Year in 1969 then that means one thing – you knew how to have a good time. Carl probably even went to Woodstock. Sure now he’s a janitor but he’s also the eyes and ears of Shermer High and believe you me Carl Reed is going to use the information he learns to his advantage. When you catch the Assistant Principal going through personal files without authorization he’s yours for life. Cushy schedule, overtime pay, the plushest assignments- all yours. Carl Reed has the best job in all of Shermer, IL now.
1. Claire’s Dad
Look at this stud. Drives a BMW and knows how to rock a scarf. Since the divorce he only gets his kid every other weekend and now that she’s a defective who skips class to go shopping he has his whole Saturday free. Should he hit up the Country Club and play a round? Or maybe just hang around the club house and see if the newly divorced Ms. Andersen drops by for her weekly tennis lesson. But Mr. Standish isn’t all fun and games. He works hard to provide for his daughter, that sushi lunch ain’t cheap, and not to mention keeping his ex-wife in furs and diamonds just to keep her off his back. And he’s an understanding Dad. Does he give Claire a hard time for skipping class to go shopping? No. He gets it. He’s a supportive dad, he’s even going to buy Claire something nice while she’s in detention. Maybe some new earrings. But first it’s off to Shermer Country Club for an afternoon drink.