Patriots’ Superfan Guide Through the AB Saga

Are you a Patriots’ Yahoo? A honk? Have you spent the day defending Antonio Brown in the face of all “Patriot’s Haters” aka Rational People?

Pats fan

Well, don’t let his loss become your loss…don’t let this whole thing ruin your weekend.

Even though we don’t necessarily get your pro-Brown stance after the witness intimidation, we share your Patriots Passion. Thus, we are here to help you through this. You can maintain your Pro-Patriot’s stance, while coming to terms with the Brown release.

Repeat with me:

The Antonio Brown saga will be the Adversity this team needs to unite them, and propel them to 19-0 and the Stairway to Seven!!!

In the great tradition of Patriots’ rallying calls this has all the key elements.

  • It’s Imaginary: Just like Rodney Harrison claimed nobody believed in the dominant 14-2 2004 Patriots team, this “adversity” basically doesn’t exist. They were the favorite before Brown, with Brown, and still are after Brown.
  • Conspiracy: It slightly hints at a vague conspiracy. “Why did these things come out now, after he signed with New England?”. “The Pats get way more criticism about this guy than anyone else did”…. These types of claims are, of course, complete bullshit, but remember: It’s not a lie, if YOU believe it. 
  • Becoming a Victim: Much like SpyGate, Deflate Gate, Aaron Hernandez, a lot of the backlash the team got in the case of AB was their own doing. But why should that stop you from turning it around? They hate us cuz they ain’t us!!! Amirite?

 

So what you need to do now is put all that shit away, scrub your social media of all today’s defenses of Brown, and embrace the hell out of this.

Go ahead and wag your Little Pat Patriot in the face of the obnoxious Boston Globe’s finger wagging. Tell all of the other idiot fans from other loser franchises to go screw. Rightfully act high and mighty to those Tyreke Hill loving Chiefs fans.

Get defiant and be insufferable…we are from New England that’s what we do best.

 

Trust me…not having this idiot around any more will make any success this season so much better. 

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