AHS 1984 Gets it All Wrong

When the Lil’ Dogg heard that there was going to be a TV series set in 1984 riffing on slasher films well you know this pup just had to check it out.

Sadly AHS 1984, the latest version of the American Horror Story anthology series, looks like it’s going to be just as ineffective as the bumbling jock in a horror flick who’s destined to get his throat slit just before he’s finally going to get some bedroom action.

Let’s start with the premise. If you are going to do a nostalgia tinged cash grab of a show based on 80s Slasher Flicks, setting the whole thing at a Summer Camp is just way too on the nose. But then again Showrunner Ryan Murphy has never been known for subtlety so expecting anything more creative was my fault I guess.

Now the setting could be forgiven if you had great characters but so far the entire cast of AHS 1984 is one big wet fart. I take that back, Emma Roberts could be good as the not-as-helpless-as-she-seems goody too shoes if she wasn’t surrounded by complete duds. There’s no funny guy, nobody cool, nobody you even want to love-to-hate. Just a bunch of forgettable nothings. God bless Vivica A. Fox for trying cuz so far she’s the only thing even making an effort.

But the real tragedy of this show is the killer, Mr. Jingles. Yes. Really. You have a chance to create an iconic character and Mr. Jingles is what you settle on.

Michael Meyers. Freddy Kruger. Jason Vorhees.

That’s the Holy Trinity of 80s Movie Baddies.

Guess what they all have in common?

Normal sounding names.

ITS NOT THE NAME!!!!!!!!!!

All the worst horror movies try to come up with clever memorable, names for their killers.

The character makes the name iconic not the other way around.

What is it about those guys that make them legendary? It’s their look.

They all have great looks. Michael Meyers and Jason have instantly great masks and Freddy Kruger is just plain unforgettable.

Ghostface in Scream did not even have a name. The mask alone made the character the most popular horror movie villain since Jason.

Here’s Mr. Jingles:

Yeah. He literally has NO LOOK. Nothing.

At least the Fisherman Dude in I Know What You Did Last Summer had a hook. This guy has a knife. And not even a cool one. Just a plain old knife.

You’re doing an 80s Slasher Show. The killer is the show.

Mr. Jingles gets a big fat F minus minus.

Yes I’m judging all this after one show but facts is facts and the fact is that if you are doing anything in the Slasher genre and your killer is a swing and a miss then the whole ship is sunk.

AHS 1984 is nothing but a wasted opportunity.

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