Hi-Top Top 5 Best and Worst NBA Jam Teams (Arcade Version)

The current day NBA is a literal insane asylum where Khris Middleton is going to be paid $35 MILLION DOLLARS A YEAR so let’s harken back to more innocent days when all it took was a quarter and a dream to achieve NBA immortality.

We are talking original Arcade Rosters Only here folks so that means a NO for Jordan but a YES for Shaq. Let’s go:

Hi-Top Top 5 Best NBA JAM Teams

5. Golden State Warriors

Hardaway and Mullen – 2/3 of RUN TMC. ‘Nuff said right there really.

4. Indiana Pacers

3 Ball City all day when it came to the Pacers. If you played NBA JAM to win and no doubt the Lil’ Dogg played to WIN then there was few better than the Pacers duo of Miller And Schrempf at racking up points QUICKLY.

3. Charlotte Hornets

Too Cool. Grandmama and KG were the New Jack City Street Cred Badass pick. All high top fades (get it!) and rim rocking dunks. There were guaranteed to be a bakers dozen pre-teens wearing Charlotte Hornets Starter jackets in any arcade circa 1993 but even that level of over saturation couldn’t knock this duo out of heavy NBA JAM rotation.

2. Phoenix Suns

Honestly this could be a 1A-1B situation here folks. The Suns were just that good in 1993. Barkley was a beast and Thunder Dan is easily an all-time Top 5 Coolest White Guy in the NBA. Who got to be the Suns was never ending argument in arcades in ’93.

1. Orlando Magic

In 1993 there was Michael Jordan and then there was everyone else. This is very true. But it is also very true that there was also SHAQ!!!! And we are talking YOUNG SHAQ here – skinny Shaq, dribble the length of the court Shaq, run like a gigantic deer Shaq, jump out the building Shaq. We talk about NBA Unicorns nowadays but young Shaq was a real life “you have never seen ANYTHING like this dude before” Capital U Unicorn. To be able to play Shaq in an arcade game in 1993 like THIS was mind blowing. Now some might argue that while Shaq was worthy of all the quarters in your pocket the teaming of Shaq with Scotty Skiles was a deal breaker. And you know what the Lil’ Dogg says to people like that – GET THE EFFF OUT OF MY ARCADE!!!! Scotty Skiles was DEADLY from the 3!!! If the Lil’ Dogg was playing solo I wouldn’t even choose Shaq!!! I’d destroy your ass with Skiles and just use Shaq for auto defensive and rebounding. And then after I won the game and stole your quarter and your soul I’d laugh right in yo face just like lil’ ol’ Scotty would! And that’s why Shaq and Scotty were the hands down unquestionable #1 team in ’93. It’s outstanding!

Hi-Top Top 5 Worst NBA JAM Teams

5. Cleveland Cavaliers

The sorry ass Cavs have never been more sorry ass then back in the 90s when they were being endlessly tortured by Jordan and the Bulls. Mark Price And Brad Doherty are the poor mans Stockton and Malone and well I won’t wish that on my worst enemy.

4. Milwaukee Bucks

Brad Lohaus really kills the Bucks here folks. A dude named Blue is always cool, that’s truth but sadly the complete inverse of a cool guy named Blue would have to be a goofy white dude named Brad.

3. Philadelphia 76ers

Philly was in rough shape after the Barkley trade and frankly it wasn’t so much that this duo of Hornacek and Hawkins was bad per say, rather they were just simply the epitome of blah.

2. Utah Jazz

Lame.

That really is the only word describe not only John Stockton but also Karl Malone and the Jazz but really the entirety of the state of Utah in the 1990s. Nerd City population YOU if you picked the Jazz as your team. No style. No fun. No way.

1. Dallas Mavericks

Pop Quiz Hotshot – What is Iuzzolino’s first name?

Answer – Beats the ever living hell out of me!

Like who is this dude for real?????

Conservative estimates would say the Lil’ Dogg spent roughly 55,000 hours playing NBA Jam at the Orange Dinosaur Mini-Golf Arcade on Route 1 in 1993 and not one person EVER picked the Mavericks. Ever. Never. Ever. Never.

That’s it. That’s the indisputable list. Facts is facts and the fact is that if you ever get the chance to time travel back to 1993 and you find yourself in a life and death NBA JAM arcade tournament simply follow this handy guide and surely you will make it back to the present day no worse for wear.

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