Step off, Brady. There’s a REAL Tom Terrific

I’m so torn right now…very conflicted.

Tom Brady is looking to trademark his famous nickname, that people totally call him all the time…Tom Terrific.

On one hand, Brady looks like a complete idiot here. Giving yourself a nickname, and then insisting people call you it, is just obnoxious. Always has been. Complete hardo move. Now, TRADEMARKING your own nickname (that nobody has ever used) is taking it to the ZILLIONTH degree.

Also, Tom Terrific is a flat out TERRIBLE nickname. It’s alliterative, sure, but it’s so cheesy. Doesn’t roll off the tongue. It’s not befitting of the man. I might have listen to you, bro, if you came up with something decent. But anyone that calls Brady “Tom Terrific” or especially buys any merch with that on it, is a complete loser…you know that’s true.

tom seaver

BUT, on the other hand, the Tom Seaver- based outrage is straight up ridiculous. First off, who the hell is sitting around worrying about Tom Seaver? The guy retired in 1988, and his last full season with the Mets was in ’76 (he had a one year return in ’83). Secondly, I’ve heard ZERO people refer to Tom Seaver as “Tom Terrific”, or refer to Tom Seaver in general. Great pitcher, but completely irrelevant.

So, I’m here to settle this matter.

Trust me, I know about nicknames. I’ve lived with a nickname my entire life. One of my best friends had been dating his now wife for a couple of years, and I knew a lot of the same people she did, and she STILL thought my actual last name was Marzy. Now, that’s a real fucking nickname, Tom’s!

It didn’t end there. One drunken night, on a whim, you decide to start a blog… you give yourself a  mocking nickname because that’s apparently how it’s done… a year and a half later, your editor won’t let you use your real name. Thanks, Jay… er, I mean Lil’ Dogg.

So you gotta know, my opinion on this is informed. And my final decision is,

Neither of these two get to claim Tom Terrific. Step off, both of you.

Instead, we’ve found the real, true Tom Terrific. Famed cartoon, from Captain Kangaroo.  May I present him to you, in all his greatness:

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