Hi-Top Top 5 – Best Dirks of All-Time

Today the Dallas Mavericks cryptically tweeted out –

Which means something I guess??? Nobody seems to know exactly. The speculation is obviously that Dirk Nowitzki is gonna retire. Maybe tonight. Maybe at the end of this season. Maybe after Luka and The Zinger win 10 straight titles.

Anywho Dirk has obviously had the best NBA career of any Euro ever. Now here’s a slight technicality cuz “Best Career” doesn’t exactly mean “Best” – most hoop heads agree that the USA never saw just how great Arvydas Sabinos was in the 80s and that he could have gone toe-to-toe with anyone if he could have been allowed to play in the NBA in his prime. But that’s neither here nor there and is not meant to take anything away from Dirk.

But here’s the real question – Is #41 the greatest Dirk of All-Time? Well let’s find out.

Hi-Top Top 5 Dirks of All-Time

5. Dirk Blocker

Hitchcock & Scully are legends. Brooklyn 99 is criminally underrated. Dirk Blocker is the actor that plays Hitchcock- the bald one.

4. Dirk Jan Struik

Dirk Jan Struik was a Dutch Mathematician and let me tell ya – this dude LIVED. First off he died in 2000 at the young age of 106. A lifelong Marxist and Communist Struik was accused of being a Soviet spy, blackballed and put through hell though eventually cleared. He lived in Belmont and worked at MIT and claimed his long life was due to the 3 Ms – Marriage, Math and Marxism.

3. Dirk VII, Count of Holland

The last in a long line of Dirks to rule what is now Holland, Dirk VII allied himself with Otto of Guelders (not a good idea – never trust a man named after a city or a man named Otto) and promptly got himself taken prisoner. Dirk paid a ransom to free himself and even more humiliatingly was forced to call the Duke of Brabant his overlord. Ouch.

2. Dirk Nowitzki

This Dirk is (currently) 7th all-time in scoring and first in the number of hair styles. An NBA Champ though he will never be forgiven by this pup for losing the title in 2006, Dirk is a Top 15-20 player in the history of NBA. All this is pretty great but we are talking about the greatest Dirks to ever live here and though Nowitzki’s exploits on the court are great it is only enough to land him at #2.

1. Dirk Calloway

Dirk Calloway was more than just the son of a MILF and chapel partner to Max Fisher. Calloway was the true mastermind at Rushmore Academy. It was Dirk who opened Max’s eyes to Miss Cross, Dirk who set Max up and orchestrated the attack by Magnus, Dirk who acted as Max’s (and everyone’s really) conscience leading him on his path to redemption.

In a world full of immature children, Dirk was the only adult:

Dirk Nowitzki, you are pretty good but you’re no Dirk Calloway.

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