Jayson Tatum to wear App controlled Nikes

Nike just revealed their latest highly advanced technology sneakers:

And the first NBA player to take these bad boys out into the court in an actual game will be none other than the Boston Celtics Jayson Tatum.

Back to the Future style auto lacing is cool and all I guess but has anyone considered the real world potential problems of an NBA player wearing app controlled shoes with a battery pack in the heel.

Close your eyes and envision the following scenario. Well scratch that open your eyes and read this first then close your eyes and envision the scenario you are about to read.

It’s the NBA Finals. Game 7. Taco Jay gets going early. He’s hitting shot after shot. It’s looking like curtains on the Championship hopes of the Western Conference Champs the Denver Nuggets. Then all of a sudden Tatum is grabbing at his feet. The laces are being squeezed tighter and tighter. Now what’s this! Tatum is running in circles around the court. He’s screaming for help! His feet are moving on their own! Someone has hacked his sneakers!

This is madness folks and it needs to be stopped. Chuck Taylor’s only from now on I say.

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