Hi-Top Top 5 – Family Vacation Cliches (That Are Secretly Great)

In addition to being #RegularGuys, the Hi-Top Brain Trust are also living that #DadLife. We’re family men. And the key to being a great Dad is to fully embrace that #DadLife, cliches and all.

Right now we are in the midst of the Holiday Season which means it’s also Winter Break from school which in turn means its FAMILY VACATION TIME.

The key to a truly excellent Family Vacation lies in tapping into your inner Clark Griswold:

Hi-Top Top 5 Family Vacation Cliches (That are Secretly Great)

5. Threatening to Turn This Car Around

If you don’t use the very first instance of whining/bickering/fighting during a long car ride as an excuse to bust out an epic “I will turn this car around right now and cancel the whole vacation” then you are just not Dad-ing properly. The kids need to know who’s in charge and nothing says “I run this ship” like an over the top threat that everyone knows you will never follow through on.

4. The Hotel TV

“We didn’t drive three hours to the mountains to watch TV” is another classic Dad line that must be used but in actuality checking out the line-up of TV channels on the hotel TV is one of those tiny pleasures that you need to take advantage of. “Hey look we get the Golf Channel” is the number one statement a Dad can say that Mom couldn’t give two shits about. “Great now go get the luggage.”

3. “Sure. We’re on Vacation.”

Ice cream for lunch? Sure. We’re on vacation. $20 for some crappy toy we’ll lose before we even leave town. Sure. We’re on vacation. Another trip to the pool. Sure. We’re on vacation.

2. Being Disappointed by the Continental Breakfast

Free food you think. We’ll just grab breakfast at the hotel before heading out for the day, you plan. What you actually get is a basket of stale bagels and three brown bananas. Yet still every time you think – “this hotel is nice bet the continental breakfast will be great”. Nope. Never is.

1. Cartoon Maps

First order of business after you settle in to the hotel has to be a thorough investigation of the cartoon map of whatever area your staying in. Give me all the landmarks, all the must see items and give me them in cartoon form that is nowhere near close to anything resembling scale of any sort. “Oh look, we are just around the corner from the World Famous Chocolate Shoppe” (in reality you are about 5 miles away). I need that cartoon map to distort all concept of space and time. That charming looking town that’s just next door – no that’s actually three exits and 25 miles up the highway.

Facts is facts and the fact is a Family Vacation is what you make of it. Sure there’s going to be melt downs. Someone will probably get sick. The kids will fight. You’ll get into a ridiculous argument with your wife. But maybe just maybe you get to watch a little golf on the hotel TV after spending the day wasting cash left and right on stupid shit you don’t need as you try to find that Irish Pub on the cartoon map that actually went out of business three years ago and you’ll love every minute of it.

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