Division Winner Banners are for Losers: Which is why these Malden Guys have it

Malden men find Red Sox division title banner on side of Somerville highway

Anthony Pepperoni, and his buddy Joey Bagadoughnuts, apparently found a Red Sox AL East Divisional Banner on 93 in Somerville. (story is linked above)


I’ll tell you, it couldn’t be more perfect that these two nimrods were the ones to come across it.

Now, the pair- and their combined IQ in the mid-100’s- want to get the banner back to its rightful owners, the Red Sox

“We feel like we want to give it back to them, and be a part of history”

But, NOT SO FAST, MY FRIEND….they want some money or tickets in exchange.

Are these boneheads kidding me??? They are holding newly made, never been hung, run-over-by-a-car banner hostage???

These guys are so Malden, it hurts. And if you’re from Malden and reading this…I apologize, but you know I’m right.

They know that the Sox can just get a new banner made, right? And since a vendor lost it, it won’t even cost them anything. The Sox don’t need this thing today, they’re in New York, so there is zero urgency.

While we are at it…Red Sox. Please take this opportunity to score some positive press. Don’t give in to these boneheads. Instead, let me suggest a course of action:

Book a press conference for tonight at 6pm. Like Mel Gibson with the cash in Ransom, go on with all of your AL EAST winner banners on a table in front of John Henry. And say, “You see these…this is what we think of Divisonal Banners”….and LIGHT THEM ALL ON FIRE.

Because, Boston isn’t Indianapolis, or Miami, or Oklahoma City. This isn’t loser country. Championship Banners only, please. Divisonal Banners are for LOSERS.

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