Zlatan Ibrahimovic is better than you. Not just as a soccer player but as a human being. And that’s fine. It’s no slight to you because Zlatan is the greatest human being to ever live. Except that Zlatan isn’t actually human. He’s 50,000 year old ancient alien sent from a futuristic society of warrior-poets to show puny Earthlings what a living breathing deity looks like. He walks among us but he is not of us. Zlatan is beyond us all.

Here is Zlatan scoring his 500th career goal on a blind roundhouse karate kick just because:

Watch Zlatan. Worship Zlatan. Marvel at Zlatan. Just don’t try to emulate Zlatan. Because Zlatan is not us. Zlatan is Zlatan. Enjoy.