A golfer bit off another golfer’s finger…so that happened

It’s currently being reported that last night in Plymouth, a golfer “allegedly” bit another golfer’s finger off during a “dispute” at Southers Marsh Golf Course.

I mean, he either did or didn’t bite his finger off. Is the finger there? No? Then he fuckin’ bit it off. “Allegedly” is rather unnecessary. And I’d say if the “dispute” ended with a man’s finger no longer attached to his body…”dispute” might be the understatement of the century.

When I’m golfing, whether it’s up at Owl’s Nest, or right in Plymouth at The Pine Hills (was just there, no big deal) or one of the other fantastic places I play, I might run into guys who pull some shit. Marking in front, shaving strokes, always magically finding their ball in the woods…and occasionally you’ll see it escalate to an argument. But I’ve never seen any physical altercations, let along someone lose a body part.

I did once see a 30-something year old man drive a golf cart full speed across a tee box and off a 15 foot cliff (s/o Atom)…but again, he left with all his fingers and toes.

But these classless bastards have cast a dark cloud over the whole “going golfing with the guys” thing. Now, guys not only have to negotiate hard for the 6-8 hours to leave the kids at home on a weekend…we also have to convince our wives that our FINGERS WON’T BE BITTEN OFF?!?! Thanks, dicks!

And don’t even give me the “those guys must’ve been hammered” thing. The Mitch Cumstein Invitational is an entire weekend based upon being hammered on a golf course.  *disclaimer, we buy all of the on-course beer from the resort, ok Julie? And in 9 years we’ve had ZERO lost body parts.

These guys were just clowns. Probably the type who wear jeans and t-shirts to play. The real shame is, when the victim’s buddy picks him up at 5:45 Monday morning to drive him to the job site- I am just assuming he isn’t allowed to drive due to his several DUI’s- he’s not even going to be able to light his Marlboro red, while holding his lunch pail in his good hand.


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