Cocktail- Most Quotable Movie Ever?

As an offshoot, to the latest installment of Lil’ Dogg’s unbelievable 80’s Movie countdown, I wanted to address Cocktail.

Cocktail, is a personal favorite of mine. It is a terrible movie, by virtually every conceivable definition. But it’s a definite guilty pleasure. As Dogg pointed out, Cruise’s charm is undeniable, but the real catalyst to the movie is Doug Coughlin.

This is an all-time 80’s movie character. He’s basically a one-man Angel/Devil on the shoulder of Cruise’s Brian, armed one-liners, and the limitless confidence and knowledge that only a bartender in a make believe universe could have.

Coughlin, almost single-handedly, puts Cocktail my short list of Most Quotable Movies of All-Time. A list I will certainly need to get to work compiling.


Here are my top 10 Cocktail Quotes:

10) The Luck is gone, the brain is shot; but the liquor, we’ve still got. – Coughlin

This is a Coughlin line that speaks for itself…and who can’t relate.

9) When you see the color of their panties, you know you’ve got talent. Stick with me, son, and I’ll make you a star.- Coughlin

I hate when you need to go into a movie with a suspension of disbelief that whatever the movie is about, is the coolest thing on the planet. Especially when it’s the fact that the bartenders at TGI Friday’s are the biggest swinging dicks in Manhattan. But at least the makers of Cocktail went all in on it.

8) Most things in life- good and bad- just kinda happen to ya- Uncle Pat

If Coughlin is the “new school”, Uncle Pat is the “Old School”…the wise old neighborhood barkeep, and the one whom Brian comes back to. And Pat nails it here.

7) Brian: Should we let it breathe?

Coughlin: It hasn’t breathed for fifty years; it’s dead. Let’s just drink it.

You can use this one at any dinner party, when somebody is opening the $13 bottle of cab just to have with dinner…and the clown wants to pour it in a freakin’ decanter first.

6) Days get shorter and shorter, nights longer and longer, before you know it, life is just one long night with a few comatose daylight hours. – Brian

This is a great line, and very versatile. Can be used describing Freshman Year. Or your early 20’s. Or having a new baby. It works!

5) Beer is for breakfast around here. Drink up or be gone! – Coughlin

More perfection from Coughlin…and he’s not done.

4) Anything else, is always something better- Coughlin

Doug Coughlin does not speak in trite clichés…well yes he does, almost exclusively. But he at least has the decency to come up with his own. He wouldn’t be caught dead saying “The Grass is always greener on the other side”.

3) Coughlin’s Law: Never tell tales about a woman…no matter how far away she is, she’ll always hear you.

Who hasn’t been there…amirite? They ALWAYS know.

2) Everything ends badly, otherwise it wouldn’t end. – Brian

Genius in simplicity. I find myself calling back to this one all the time. All kidding aside…this is one of the most underrated movie lines of all time.

1.) I don’t care how liberated this world becomes- a man will always be judged by the amount of alcohol he can consume- and a woman will be impressed, whether she likes it or not. – Coughlin

This pretty much sums it up, folks. This line is the epitome of Coughlin, of Cocktail, of the 80’s, basically of men.

We’ve all counted bottle caps and can tabs at the HS party.

Or took down the 4 beer funnel.

Or you and your buddy Lil’ Dogg entered (and won) a team case race in 11 minutes….which led to a local pop station bastardizing your INXS call-in request to make it sound like you requested Sugar Ray, only to end up popping the tire in your brand new Saturn drunk at the McDonald’s drive thru on Montvale Ave….and when we’ve done any of these things, we’ve always made sure there were girls within earshot. You know it’s true.

So that’s it…that’s the list. The definitive list of lines from Cocktail…one of the most quotable movies of all time.

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