Golfers tend to have really great pretentious names. Blame it on the upper crust Country Club living nature of the sport or maybe it’s just plain kismet that we get gifted with gems like Davis Love and Stewart Cink but for us #RegularGuys here at Hi-Top with #RegularGuy names we look on in fascination as these Graeme’s and Conrad’s hit the links each weekend.
Among the current crop of PGA Tour regulars there are some really doozys that would not be out of place trying to take over the world in a Mark Wahlberg action flick. So we present to you Hi-Top Nation the Top 5 – PGA Tour Players with “Movie Villain” Names.
5. Chesson Hadley – Asshole Rich Kid in a Teen Movie
Chesson has the money and the looks but he’s still not satisfied and just has to go out of his way to make life hell for our Hero from the wrong side of the tracks who just wants to take the popular girl to the prom. In the end Chesson gets his comeuppance but you know he’ll still get into Harvard as a Legacy anyways.
4. Charles Howell III – Asshole VP in a Work Comedy Movie
Charles Howell III has a corner office and a VP title cuz his granddaddy started the company. But that won’t stop him from making life hell for our Hero, the plucky new Junior VP who has all the good ideas but gets none of the credit. In the end our Hero gets the promotion and Charles’ corner office and Mr. Howell III is left with nothing but a banged up Porsche and a place in the unemployment line.
3. Talor Gooch – Asshole Groom to be in a Wedding Movie
Talor (yes with no “Y”) does NOT appreciate his soon to be wife the way he should. In fact he’s a downright cheating louse and our Hero deserves better, in the form of her Best Friend who she never thought of “in that way” but now that she’s looking at him with open eyes AND an open heart, could it be love? Yes I think those two Best Friends were meant to be all along.
2. Blayne Barber – Asshole Boyfriend in a Romantic Comedy
Blayne. That’s not a name. It’s a major appliance. Blayne does not treat his girl right. Unfortunately the only one who can see it is our Hero, the girlfriend’s Best Friend, who’s always be in love with her but just never been able to say the words. Maybe just maybe this time our Hero can save his Best Friend and get the girl.
1. Smylie Kaufman – Asshole Murdering Psycho in a Cop Movie
Do you know why they call him Smylie? Its because he carves a trademark Smiley Face into the flesh of all his victims and only one man, our Hero, the alcoholic veteran NYC cop who’s down on his luck and at odds with his Sergeant can stop him. But can he get to Smylie before Smylie gets his next victim? Of course he can provided he can stay sober and off the Serge’s shit list long enough to get his chance.