Chicken wings are hot right now…pun (obviously) intended. But seriously, folks, restaurants all over, ranging from dive bars to fine dining, throw their hat in the wing ring, and nothing could make this guy happier.
Whether they are grilled, smoked (or both in the case of Red Heat), baked, or double-fried (the correct way), give me all the wings. Wings might just be the perfect food. When done well, they are crispy yet (wait for it…) moist, a perfectly crafted blank canvas for any flavor profile. Sweet, sour, spicy and tangy- or any combination thereof- wings are a versatile gateway into any style of cuisine you want.
Everyone has their favorite wings, and nobody is wrong (Wendell’s are the best by the way, and you’re wrong if you don’t agree). And I’m not using this space to do a “Best Wings” write-up.
What I am doing, is trying to unite all fans of wings for one common cause. Except people who like Wing Dings. Like, c’mon. What’s wrong with you?
But the rest of us…We ALL need to come together, ignore our differences, and fight against this one major issue.
There is a common enemy to us all. A fraud is being perpetrated on all restaurant goers, and nobody seems to be standing in the way.
I, of course, am referring to “BONELESS WINGS”.
First off…little anatomy lesson for you- I took honors A&P, no big deal, shout out to Miss Farrell- wings have bones. All of them. 100% of wings are boned. No such thing as boneless wings.
Secondly… “boneless wings” are white meat. Chicken wings are dark meat. It’s that simple.
So, let’s recap: Wings have bones and are dark meat. “Boneless wings” are neither. Case closed. BONELESS WINGS ARE NOT A THING.
Boneless wings are chicken tenders. And look, chicken tenders are great. Like, when I have to order chicken tenders for Little Miss Cap she, like most 3 year olds, doesn’t eat them, and I’ll sneak a few bites. They are definitely tasty. Le Cap Jr, also known to like the chicken tender. And that’s great…glad he enjoys them.
I’ve asked around, and it seems chicken tenders are popular amongst most kids in this age range. And let’s be honest, there are no better arbiters of what is good food than kids 3-9…so, by all means, adults, order your “boneless wings”.
I ask you just one thing…OWN IT. Order chicken tenders. It’s cute that you have them toss them in the sauce, instead of dipping, but that doesn’t make them wings. I can open my moon roof…but it don’t make it a convertible, know what I’m sayin’.
I call on all of you, to put an end to this madness. If you must order this appetizer, please only refer to them as chicken tenders. If the waitress is confused, just point to it on the menu, like you’re trying to order dinner in a foreign country. Refuse to call them wings.
And for those of us who actually like wings, we need to make sure we shame patrons and establishments for this culinary catastrophe.
When the boneless wing goes the way of the Dodo Bird, then, and only then, can we have a discussion on which wings are the best!
If you support the cause, please spread the word