I’ve heard some people recently- well, one Washington resident in particular- claiming that one person alone can have a dramatic influence on Wall Street and the Dow Jones.
Obviously, I, like many others, scoffed. Well, as the events of today may have proven…I was wrong.
Apparently, Kylie Jenner tweeted something or other about Snap Chat, and the value of the company decreased over a BILLION dollars. And it sent the financial world into a god damn frenzy.
Is this where we’re at, people? Not only are there millions of brainless zombies who care what the 7th most famous member of an entire family of douchebags tweets…now there are actual real life implications to what she has to say??? Why is this???
Well, this isn’t the first time KJ has had a profound impact on society. Let’s check it out, shall we.
There was the time she brought the tattoo industry to its knees. I mean, seriously, nobody gets tattoos anymore.
There was also the time Kylie spoke out against dog breeding…well, sort of, unless it’s her dog I guess. Either way, there are definitely not a bazillion unwanted dogs up for adoption anymore…THANKS KYLIE!!!
New Year’s 2016- Does anyone remember coming to any realizations in 2016? Anything at all. Something major? Divorce? Change your job?
Something minor? Your hair looks better short? You’re not actually a great karaoke singer?
Either way…you have Kylie’s brilliant and insightful New Year’s resolution to thank for that!!! Such a deep and thoughtful soul, she is.
And, then…there was her most impactful contribution yet to society. The time Kylie ended people being mean to each other on the internet:
So yes, Kylie Jenner may have cost a real life business, with real life investors and workers a LOT of money today. But I think we can all agree. The world should definitely be listening to what she has to say. She’s one of the great minds of our time.
Only someone of extreme brilliance, chooses lips like this.