Idiot Dies in Search of Buried Treasure. For Realz.


Treasure Hunt- AP

I have no idea why this is a story right now, as it happened in June, but it caught my eye.

Now look, I get it. Not everyone is as fortunate as others. There are some that go out there and grind day after day, but they never seem to make it click. And, obviously, not everyone has the talent, network and brains to build up a brand like Hi-Top, #shinglebyshingle , and they need to look for other ways to really hit it big.

Some pump their life savings into terrible inventions or restaurant ideas.

Some blow their paycheck on the lottery, looking for the big payday.

Some are soccer moms- turned madams, who set up elaborate escort services catering to high end clientele, and while the business is profitable, their primary objective is lucrative blackmail schemes (ok, admittedly, that one is like 80% based on a Law & Order: SVU storyline).

All of these ideas, and many others, are far more respectable and sensible than becoming a Treasure Hunter.


“Treasure Hunter”?! Really, Jeffrey Murphy of Batavia, Ill? REALLY?! How dumb are (were) you? My 7 year old was playing make pretend in the backyard the other day, looking for treasure. I asked him, “What would you do with all the money if you find it?”. He said “Don’t be ridiculous. I’m just pretending here. There’s no treasure”.

And, Jeffrey, who is this family that let you get away with this shit? I can only imagine they just had gotten sick of listening to your delusions, and collectively decided to just let you do whatever the hell you wanted to do….as long as the insurance life policy was in order. At least I hope that’s it…I’d hate to think there are people left behind with as high a disregard for human life as you.

For his ridiculous actions, I award Jeffrey with my first ever posthumous “Le Cap’sTool Belt Award.”  (sponsorship still available)


The scariest thing….Apparently there are several others who have been put in harm’s way looking for this “treasure” as well. And the best part is…NOBODY EVEN KNOWS WHERE IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE.

More from the AP:

The lure of the treasure, which is said to be worth nearly $2 million, has prompted thousands to comb areas of New Mexico, Yellowstone National Park and elsewhere.

Murphy is one of at least several people who have died while looking for the treasure. Two Colorado men died in New Mexico while searching for it.

The deaths have led some to call for an end the treasure hunt. Besides the danger to the treasure hunters, they note that search and rescue efforts for missing treasure hunters are costly.

People are looking all over the Western Half of the US…and getting lost and dying in the process. What a bunch of tools!

Indiana Jones is fake. National Treasure is fake. Get it through your skulls, you selfish, childish, morons. You’re not going to strike it rich digging around with a pick axe…you’re going to die…like Ed Harris did.

National treasure


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