Gronk Retiring?????

Rob Gronkowski made some interesting word choices in his post game interview session:

Now some are speculating that Gronk was hinting at a possible retirement.

The man has always been a weird hybrid of two M. Night Shamaldingdong characters – the Unbreakable guy and Mr. Glass.

One second Gronk looks like he’s the peak of human athletic evolution – a giant with speed and agility and hands almost as good as Michael Crabtree’s (who it’s been proven has the greatest hands of any human being ever). When he gets going like he did in the second half of last night’s Super Bowl he is literally uncoverable by defenses. But the next second he collapses into a heap of injuries. His issues range literally now from his head to his feet and go back all the way to college.

Is he injury prone or just super unlucky?

The answer is probably both.

So mark down injuries as reason #1 for this supposed retirement consideration but could this all be a bit of bait and switch by the big man?

Money. Money. Money.

Gronk may play the football loving Caveman on TV but he’s no dummy. In fact, the Lil’ Dogg has a secret Gronk theory that I’ll let you in on – Gronk is a actually a Mensa level genius who’s been conducting a decades long study on the effects of alpha male heterosexual identity on society’s norms. The Big Dumb Football Playing Party Animal is all an act as he completes his thesis on the role of forced gender identity politics in current day America. It’s going to be a dozy.

But Academia don’t pay so meanwhile he needs to make that bank.

The entire Gronkowski Clan operate (as they should) as one giant money racking syndicate. The commercials, the Gronk Cruise, the paid appearances, Football 101 with Gronk (women only of course), the list goes on and on. So is this “retirement” talk just the first shots across the bow in contract negotiations?

There was a lot of talk this season about all the incentive marks Gronk could hit to boost his salary. If he hit them all he could make about $10 million. Ryan Tannehill made $19 million. Derek Carr made $25 million. The greatest TE in the history of the sport has to hit a bunch of ridiculous and random incentive marks to make half as much money as a terrible quarterback.

If he wasn’t pissed off about his contract then maybe he really is a doofus.

Will Gronk retire? No.

The money train stops when the football does because Gronk, for all his “charm” is really not that charming. This isn’t a Michael Strahan situation. There’s no talk show gig in his future. Just increasingly more desperate paid appearances and commercial gigs.

Get that extension and signing bonus now Gronk cuz the future looks an awfully lot like this:

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