Last Night Jaylen Brown Murdered a Unicorn

THE DEFENDANT

Jaylen Brown aka The J-Train – Small Forward Boston Celtics

THE CHARGE

Murder in the First Degree of a Protected Species (The NBA Unicorn 🦄)

The homicide took place mid-way through the second quarter. The J-Train took a pass at half court, made 1 in and out dribble to evade a defender on the right wing at the three point line then went in hard for the kill.

HOW DO YOU PLEAD?

Guilty as Charged

This was no mere murder. No common sneak attack where the defender gets caught off guard and dunked on. No. Porzingis was primed and ready for the block. He was going for a murder of his own. But he got GOT.

THE VERDICT

We the People of Hi-Top Nation find the defendant Jaylen J-Train Brown GUILTY of the murder of the PorzinGod.

We hereby sentence you to a lifetime of Boston Celtics glory.

🚂☠️🦄☠️🚂

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