NBA Mystery Investigation – Marcus Smart’s Cut Hand

Lil’ Dogg P.I. checking in. It’s been a while but we have ourselves another NBA mystery to investigate.

The Case

Boston Celtics Guard Marcus Smart missed last nights game against the LA Clippers due to a cut on his hand needing stitches.

The Mystery

How exactly did Marcus Smart cut his hand? The Celtics themselves were unsure of what took place to cause the cut.

According to Coach Stevens, Smart cut his hand on some “glass” at the team hotel:

The Evidence

The previous night, also in LA, Marcus Smart missed a game winning shot against the Lakers. The shot, or rather Marcus’s decision to take the shot was hotly debated.

Theory

Was Marcus Smart punishing his right hand, the hand that took the shot, by cutting said hand?

Seems far fetched. Basketball is like 50% hands 50% feet so it’s rather unlikely that a basketball player would self inflict injury to a part of his body that contributes to 50% of his on court success.

Conclusion

Marcus Smart is a complicated man with varied interests so determining the nature of the cut is an almost impossible task.

Was Marcus practicing his Julienne Cutting technique for a future appearance on Celebrity Top Chef? Maybe.

Did Marcus misjudge the distance to the night stand while placing down a drinking glass thus shattering the glass in his hand? Well based on his streaky shooting history it would be in line for Marcus to follow a miss with a miss.

Perhaps Marcus is binge watching Lost on road trips and was so frustrated after realizing he had just wasted 100 hours of his life on this show that he just had to smash something. Very likely. In fact I think we have cracked the case.

Verdict –

Lost induced rage caused Marcus Smart to smash a drinking glass, cutting his hand and requiring stitches.

I find Lost Guilt as Charged and sentence the creators of Lost to 100 hours of community service to compensate for all the wasted hours TV viewers spent on their stupid show where they insisted for years the characters were not dead and then turned around and made them dead. I’m not bitter. I’m not bitter at all.

I’m so bitter. I hate you Lost.

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