The newest edition of the TB Times dropped almost instantaneously after the final whistle blew on the Pats comeback victory over the Jags:
Obviously they had this one locked and loaded, ready to go, so clearly some deep examination is needed.
Five Thoughts on TB Times “Bowl Cuts”:
1. Bowl Haircuts? Really? Really?
The Lil’ Dogg likes to think he’s a pretty sharp pup but I’ll admit it took a few minutes before I made the “bowl haircut” – Super Bowl* connection.
*Ed. Note – Are we allowed to write “Super Bowl”? Should we be saying “Big Game” instead? Someone get Legal on this stat.
2. What is Kyle Van Noy holding?
Is it a phone? His thumb position makes it look like he’s typing something but if that’s supposed to be a phone well then that’s a poorly drawn phone. My other thought is a ticket of some sort. He’s already gotten his haircut so it be weird if he was still holding on to his place in line ticket. Also it’d be really strange if they had one of those place-in-line number ticket machines in the Patriots locker room. Though I guess it’d be useful for waiting for showers and using the toilets and stuff. On second thought one of those ticket machines in a locker room actually makes a lot sense.
3. Should Gronk be giving the haircuts?
Even a non-concussed Gronk is not someone I would want cutting my hair. If you don’t think he would shave something inappropriate into the back of your head while laughing uncontrollably then I guess you’ve never seen Gronk do literally anything.
4. Sharp objects around TB12 seem like a bad idea
We survived #Thumbgahzi…barely…so I think maybe let’s remove any and all potentially sharp cutting objects from a ten foot radius around QB1 ok.
5. Brady goes last????
For my money the celebratory haircut pecking order should be the same as the Trophy holding pecking order. Veterans and superstars first then everyone else. By the time Tommy Terrific is sitting in that chair Gronk has already done 52 other haircuts. His arms have to be tired. The scissors are dulling, his attention span is wavering. You’re just not going to get a very good cut. If I’m Tom I’m pulling rank and demanding the first haircut. Frankly my faith in his leadership skills takes a bit of a hit after seeing this.