Le Cap’s Tool Belt Award: Marlins Man

This week, the rocky ride that is the Jeter Era in Miami got a little rockier, when Cap’n Jetes hosted a Q&A session for Marlins season ticket holders. Among those in attendance was “Marlins Man”, Laurence Levy.

Marlins Man

“Who the hell is ‘Marlins Man'”, I’m sure you’re asking. Well he’s an attorney who has had season tickets since 1993, and currently owns 10 “high-priced” seats at Marlins Park. Let’s do some digging to see what else we can find out:


Well, he has a Wikipedia page, which is little more than a list of events he’s “appeared” at, and that he unequivocally manages himself.


Additionally, here are some excerpts from coverage on this week’s meeting:

The North Miami beach attorney, who refers to himself as “Marlins Man” is furious about the franchise’s latest dismantling- and made that abundantly clear….

“I have promoted your product five years for free!” Levy said during a five minute soliloquy to Jeter on Tuesday. –  Miami Herald


Jeter tweet

But there was more. Leavy asked if Jeter would ride in his Marlins Car and if he could throw out the first pitch. Jeter responded by saying he will not be riding in the car and that he’ll let him throw a first pitch if he purchases a 10-year ticket plan.


I’ve stopped my research here, because I’ve come to a rock solid conclusion and an answer to the question “Who is Marlins Man?”

The clues:

  • Gave himself his own nickname
  • used the “Do you know who I am?” line, while berating DEREK JETER
  • Thinks his “promotion” of the team means anything, and implies that perhaps he should have been paid for it
  • Asks if he can throw out the first pitch
  • The Wikipedia page

Conclusion:  He’s a complete d-bag. A self-important blowhard, who probably mistook one person showing interest in him once as a sign that he is compelling and matters to anyone. This guy provides nothing of substance to the world.

For perspective, Marlins Man is probably even below “stars” from reality shows like “The Challenge” on my scale, because at least they have fake relationships and fights on TV for mindless idiots to watch…that’s some effort. This guy just puts on an orange shirt, yet gets ton of play in Miami.

This doesn’t surprise me, though, because Miami is such a minor league town. They pass out t-shirts for “White Outs” at Heat games, they play Jimmy Buffett after Dolphins TD’s, apparently they have a hockey team??? Who knew.

Anyway…Marlins Man, enjoy your dwindling 15 minutes, because when the Marlins do return from irrelevance, I don’t think you’ll have your place at the table any more…Cap’n Jetes won’t have it.

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