NBA Rewind – Lord Embiid v PorzinGod – Who had the better night?

A lot of action last night in the Only League That Matters but the morning headlines are all about two of the NBA’s new young unicorns*

*Can we pause for a moment to discuss this “unicorn” term that’s become de rigueur in NBA media circles. I believe it was coined by the Ringer or at least popularized there. I hate it. Unicorns are mythical creatures i.e. not real. Joel Embiid, Porzingis, Ben Simmons, KAT, Anthony Davis – these guys are all real and there’s quite a few of them so how can they all be unicorns when being tall and able to shoot and dribble is becoming the norm not an anomaly. Here’s a Hi-Topper Promise – no NBA player will be called a unicorn by the Lil’ Dogg.

Back to our regular scheduled shenanigans. Lord Embiid and the PorzinGod both had monster nights. So who had the more monster night?

Lakers 109 Knicks 113 OT

Sixers 118 Wolves 112 OT

Both games went into OT and both big guys came away with the win so we’re Even Stevens like Shia LeBouf so far.

Lord Embiid played 39 minutes which is a huge personal accomplishment for him but does get him any points here. PorzinGod on the other hand apparently did something no NBA player has ever done before. We’re getting super deep Nerd Stats here but getting 35+ points 15 rebounds with 5 three-pointers is an NBA first. Now I’d bet my left nostril that Larry Legend could have done that 10 times in 1985 if he attempt more than 2 triples a game. It’s a different offensive game today than it was back in the day so some of these “NBA firsts” are more a product of players attempting things that previously wouldn’t have been considered but that’s not to diminish the Gawd’s accomplishment by any means. At one point he was 5-5 from deep. The dude balls out all over the court.

On this night, in the Garden the PorzinGod ruled over all earthly men and for that he gets the UNICORN OF THE NIGHT AWARD*

*eff it. People want to use “Unicorn” well fine. I’m going to grind that unicorn down until all that’s left is a stump on the middle of its stupid unicorn head.

🦄 🦄 🦄 🦄 🦄 🦄🦄


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