Answers People, I Need Answers

LeBron wants answers. Well so does the Lil’ Dogg. Here’s the Top 10 things this pup wants answered:

10. Where’s Jimmy Hoffa?

Ok enough time has passed. There has to be an 85 year old Mafiaso out there chilling in a retirement home in Arizona who knows where the bones are and gets chatty during his 4 o’clock supper. Has to be.

9. Why did the Powell’s let Charles live with them?

You’re telling me that the housing market in New Brunswick, NJ in 1987 was so competitive that the Powell’s not only had to sublet a house from the Pembrokes but they had to agree to let a complete stranger, a college student no less, live in their basement while their two teenage daughters lived upstairs. There’s more to this story and #IneedAnswers.

8. Jimmy Jackson/Jason Kidd/Toni Braxton love triangle

So many questions and I know Jamal Mashburn is the one with the answers. I’m sure he heard all three sides of this story. Come on Mash, give up the goods.

7. Did the NY Knights win the World Series?

The Natural is this pup’s pick for best sports flick. The Knights win the Pennant but we never learn how they fair in the World Series. Does Hobbs play or is that HR his last swing of the bat? #IneedAnswers

6. What’s in the Suitcase?

Come on Tarintino, just tell us why the suitcase glows.

5. Why does the Varsity Blues team have zero Assistant Coaches?

The players revolt on their mean old Head Coach at halftime and Paul Walker (RIP) takes over coaching duties for the second half. Your telling me this super intense win-or-die Texas High School has ZERO Assistant Coaches???? #IneedAnswers

4. Did any members of the Breakfast Club say “Hi” to Brian on the Monday after detention?

The kid just wanted someone to say “Hi” to him in the hallway. I need to know if anyone said “Hi”. You now what I bet Bender did.

3. Why is the checkout line at Shaw’s always packed?

Ok this is a personal one but I swear to God the entire universe plans their shopping trips at the exact same time as me EVERY WEEK. It’s either that or the Shaw’s workers are so slow and incompetent that it takes 45 minutes to purchase three items. Nah couldn’t be that.

2. JFK/Marilyn Monroe Sex Tape?

You know this is the first question Trump asked when he walked into the West Wing. You know it.

1. Aliens

There’s definitely aliens. Just tell us already.

👽👽👽👽👽

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