*Editor’s Note – This post started as a Top 6 list but ended very very differently
Back in the pre-Internet Stone Age kids used to come home from school and do actual stuff like play outside or watch after school cartoons. Nowadays I guess kids just watch YouTube videos of other people doing stuff like opening boxes and pulling fake “pranks” or something. Kids these days are weird.
C.O.P.S. was a late 80s after school cartoon that was set in the way way way distant future of 2020 and featured Police Officers battling a gang of Criminals led by the creatively titled Big Boss. The shows tag line was “Fighting Crime in a Future Time” but the only difference between 1989 and the 2020 of Empire City was a few janky robots. Let’s just say this show wasn’t exactly peak anything but it did have some pretty cool Crook characters (the COPS were pretty lame).
So in the name of shameless nostalgia profiteering Hi-Top presents the official non-debatable Top 6 Crooks from C.O.P.S.
Beserko was Big Boss’s nephew and resident idiot member of the Crooks crew (expect for the episode when he stole a device that made him a super genius).
5. Turbo Time-Tone
The Crooks getaway driver. I’m pretty sure that most every hipster has rocked some version of this look for the past 4 years so I guess C.O.P.S. did have their pulse on the future of society after all.
4. Ms. Demeanor
A super strong, super mean baddie. She looks a lot like how Uma Thurman looks now. I’m starting to think C.O.P.S. really did know what America in 2020 would be like.
A drug pusher who sold Crystal Twyst. C.O.P.S. was warning us all about the future opioid crisis!!!!!!!!
2. Dr. Badvibes
Tell me this isn’t the spitting image of Keith Richards:
1. Buttons McBoomBoom
An old-timey gangster with Tommy Guns literally popping out of his chest. Just guns everywhere. Wait a second…was C.O.P.S. trying to warn us about the eventual gun crisis that would over take America?????
Well now I’m convinced. This post that started out as a “Hey remember this crazy thing from the 80s” has now ended as a warning:
We must dig through the entire run of C.O.P.S. episodes and examine every finite detail because they knew what the future would be and THEY WERE TRYING TO WARN US ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!