Welcome to Armageddon…I mean Black Friday!!!
Deals on deals on deals and you don’t even have to leave your couch.
But back in the Stone Ages determined Moms hopped up on caffeine and desperation fought to the death in the aisles of Child World over toys that would be forgotten by February.
Presenting the Hi-Top Top 5 Riot Toys:
5. The Furby
A must have late 1990s toy for boys and girls, the Furby drove parents crazy twice. First when you had to murder people to get one and then again when you took out of the box and it started talking annoying gibberish.
4. Beanie Babies
Not strictly a holiday toy but nonetheless a fevered pitch was reached over these pieces of cloth and beans that became a must have stocking stuffer during early 90s Christmas season. An expert class in marketing and limiting supply, urban legends quickly sprang up about $10,000 resales of “rare” beanies sparking fist fights in mall parking lots across the country.
This key-chain egg pet hybrid took over the world in the early 2000s as the first digital pet. You had to take care of your Tamagotchi or it would get mad at you or something. I don’t know. This one seemed real stupid then and even more stupid now.
2. Tickle Me Elmo
Blame Rosie O’Donnell for this one. Elmo became a 1996 pop culture phenomenon after a plug on the comedienne’s talk show. Limited supply and overwhelming demand created a battle royal atmosphere in every Toys R Us in America for the talking Sesame Street doll.
1. Cabbage Patch Doll
The OG riot starter, the Cabbage Patch Doll was a mid-80s whirlwind going from unknown to must have faster than Duran Duran. You didn’t buy a Cabbage Patch kid you “adopted” one. And every six year old in the world begged screamed and cried until they got the Doll they had to have. And moms across the land would do anything to make sure little Suzy and Timmy got the Cabbage Patch they wanted. Store Managers were arming themselves with bats to control thousand mom mobs attacking department stores.
What a time to be alive. Happy Holiday Season Hi-Top Nation.