Well, folks, it’s Thanksgiving, and that means it’s time for many traditions. Chief among them is Wednesday, aka the Biggest Drinking Night Of The Year. Everyone is back from college and ready to go out on the town and make some bad decisions. Let me tell you all something, Le Cap has been there my friends, and I’m here to look out for you. Whether you’re going out locally, or into the city, follow these steps and you’ll be fine.
This is Le Cap’s BDNOTY Do’s and Don’t’s.*
*Le Cap is old, so this advice is based on a theoretical world in which there is no Uber, no Venmo, very primitive cell phone technology, no camera-phones (thank god), and everyone involved is in their early 20’s.
DO: Pick a bar that will be wicked crowded, and has a terrible bathroom situation, preferably one in the way back corner of the bar. If you’re not waiting in line for 20 mins and people aren’t pissing in sinks, you’re doing it wrong.
DON’T: Listen to the above, but you will anyway, so F you when you’re complaining by 10:30.
DO: If you’re under 21, go to Spud’s. If you have anything remotely close to an ID, they will serve you. Student ID, with a Lids rewards card as backup? That won’t be a problem.
DON’T: Ever go to Spud’s any other time. I don’t even know if there are any still open.
DO: Make sure everyone goes to the ATM BEFORE going in town…especially Bennygloves.
DON’T: Start a tab. You’re going to end up ordering several rounds of Tequilla and SoCo Lime shots nobody even wants, and there is a good chance someone is going to get screwed when the bill comes. 100% chance that won’t be Bennygloves.
DO: Refrain from hooking up. You’re with old friends, just keep it in your pants and have fun. Also, the Thanksgiving morning walk of shame would be a really, really low place to be.
DON’T: Stop any of your friends from hooking up. If they happen to start up, don’t be a c/p-block, nobody likes that person. But, DO, pay close attention and take notes if you must…you should provide encouragement when possible. This will be top notch ball-busting material for the next 20 years.
DON’T: Forget to wear a nice warm jacket.
DO: Order a beer right before you’re leaving to go to the next bar and sneak it out in the inside pocket of the jacket. Your boy Le Cap used to always grab an extra for a friend. Bonus points if you pay for it with the tips that are on the bar.
DO: Try to sell the Wicked Pissah t-shirts you just made. Even if you don’t make a ton of money, you’ll be extremely surprised how badly people want t-shirts…it’s like Mardi Gras came to Boston.
DON’T: Never go back and sell t-shirts again, even though you had some success and a great time, and then have them in a bag in your basement 15 years later.
DON’T: Start a fight. Why do you have to always try and start something? And yes, it can be your fault even if you “never throw the first punch”.
DO: If you must, at least make sure they don’t have a bunch of friends on their way up from the ground floor of the parking garage, because that ended…I mean, would theoretically end, really badly.
DO: Get late-nite pizza, find the guy who has “the dairy license” and thus can make steak and cheese on his cart, or go to the 24-hour bakery.
DON’T: Yeah, I got nothing here. You got to eat something, and after 25 beers it doesn’t matter what.
DON’T: Puke in the cab on the ride home.
DO: Blame it on the cab driver immediately if your friend does puke in the cab…you need to turn the tables really quick on this one, so be on your toes. Throw money at them rounded up from the amount on the meter, and just get out screaming that they took an extra-long route and were driving crazy. If there is snow available, throwing snowballs at the cab will confuse and disorient the driver.
DO: Tell everyone you run into that you’ll see them at the game in morning, and you’ll “definitely be tailgating. I’ll make you a bloody mary”
Probably DON’T: Go to the game. Unless you’re a coach…then you’re there at 7:30, still hammered, and looking for a bucket of Gatorade to dunk your head in.
DO: Make mental notes as best you can, and pass it on to generations to come, as I have done before you.
DON’T: Ask me if these things all actually happened on the BDNOTY.