Dombo Needs to Chase the Dongs

Around here at HTTA, we’re always looking to improve. So, of course, it drives me crazy when the teams in this town aren’t doing the same. That’s why I feel Dombrowski and the Sox leadership need to go all out and land Giancarlo Stanton this offseason.

The Sox won 93 games and an AL East title, while not even getting much out of Price and Porcello. So, do they really need a big move to improve? Yes, yes they do.

At a time when the league is seeing record highs in home runs, the Sox were last in the AL with a mere 168 dongs- 40 fewer than last season. Mookie Betts led the team with only 24, and this season was only the 3rd time this century the Sox didn’t have anyone hit 30 dongs. Again, let me remind you, everywhere you look, dongs are way up.

Looking close to home, the Yankees’ resurgence is largely built around the prolific dongs of Sanchez and Judge. So if the Sox stand pat, they could be looking up at the Bronx Bombers just to get out of the division.

Now, home runs aren’t the end all, be all; a huge dong total doesn’t guarantee success. But it’s also very rare for a team at the bottom of the league in HR’s to go deep into the playoffs. When you have a few big dong threats in your lineup, you have a much greater margin of error. Home runs can cover up deficiencies in your offense, in your whole team really. In a short 5 or 7 game series, a well-timed dong can be a deciding factor.

This brings us to Stanton. By any measure, he’s been the most dominant, and reliable*, source of dongs over the past 7 seasons. The * with his reliability is that when he’s on the field, he hits a ton of bombs, but he hasn’t always been on the field. My take: he’s had some freak injuries in his career. He was hit in the face, broke a bone in his hand…not the type of stuff that is nagging or at risk to repeat.


He’s in his prime, at 28 years old, just had a breakthrough season with 59 HR’s and a 1.007 OPS, took home the NL MVP, and can be had. Guys like this don’t become available too often, and if they’re smart, the Sox will pounce.

Word is the Marlins ask on the prospect side is steep, but as the market unfolds, that price will come down. They need to deal him to start a rebuild and the Sox are in position to take on the salary and slide Stanton’s dongs right into the middle of their lineup.

As we all know, dongs are sexy, there is no debate. And I want nothing more than to head to Fenway or turn on my TV, and see a bunch of dongs flying all over the place.



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