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The Top 23 Most Punchable* Faces in Duke Basketball History
*by “Punchable” we are of course talking about a metaphorical Internet punch and in no way advocate physical violence of any kind
23. Shane Battier
Battier looks like he thinks he’s smarter than everyone else. He probably is but I still don’t want someone looking at me like that.
22. Jay Williams
Williams doesn’t have the most instantly punchable face but when you remember that he threw away his career in that stupid motorcycle accident, well then you want to punch him for being so stupid.
21. Trajan Langdon
Trajan Langdon’s punchable face is a victim of his own hype. He was such a disappointment that you just want to punch him for sucking so bad.
20. Brian Davis
Punchable by association. You’re best buds with Laettner, well now you gotta get punched.
19. Jon Scheyer
Looks like an a-hole Eddie Haskel type. Choir boy around the parents and just all-time dick around other kids.
18. The Plumlees
There’s too many of them and I can’t tell any of them apart. I know one really sucked and one joined the Army or something. I hate the Plumlees.
17. Chris Duhon
Duhon gets hit with the Duke Guard Curse. I can’t really remember if Duhon was as whiny as all the others but he certainly looks like he was.
16. Ryan Kelly
Ryan Kelly looks like a nerd. I’d actually prefer to shove him in a locker than punch him but that’d be a different list.
The only thing people remember about Thomas Hill is him crying after the Duke/UK game so in my mind he’s always crying his ugly crying face at all times.
14. Mike Dunleavy Jr.
Dunleavy just screams rich, privileged coach’s son. So punchable.
13. Luke Kennard
It’s the hair. He’s trying to hide the fact he’s going prematurely bald with that stupid swoop bangs hair.
12. Kyle Singler
Again it’s the hair. If you have stupid hair then I wanna punch you in the face. Singler at Duke was the definition of stupid hair.
11. Chris Collins
Collins just looks like the typical rich frat boy prick. That’s enough to get a punch from me.
10. Jay Bilas
The O. G. Bilas may not have been the most “Dukie” of Duke guys but he was probably the first so that lands him at #10
9. Alaa Abdelnaby
Abdelnaby was a whiner. Whiners get punched, plain and simple.
8. JJ Redick
A lot of surprise around Hi-Topper HQ that Redick isn’t Top 5. JJ was a case of being too good. If he sucked a little more he’d be more punchable. But don’t get me wrong he was pretty damn punchable.
7. Austin Rivers
He tried to give himself a nickname. A really bad nickname. Need I say more.
6. Greg Paulus
The Upside Down JJ Redick. Lots of hype followed by lots of suck.
5. Grayson Allen
Just eminently punchable. Ol’ Grayson will probably move up the list as the legend grows and I have no doubt in 5 years he’ll make Top 3. The tripping alone deserves its own 5-Part Oral History which I’m sure The Ringer is working on as I type this.
4. Steve Wojcievhowski
Woj oh Woj. How I hate the Woj. Let me count the ways. Actually it’s just the floor slapping. One punch for every floor slap oughta do it.
3. Bobby Hurly
Hurley is actually underrated as a player and was probably way more important to the back-to-back Championships than he gets credit for and he probably had a chance at a better pro career than people realize but all that’s to say he was a whiny little ref complaining bitch 99% of his time at Duke.
2. Christian Laettner
We’ve all seen the 30 For 30 and his legacy is getting seen with rose colored glasses these days but Laettner was an All-Time Sneaky Dirty Player and I will go to my grave saying he should have been tossed from the UK game. And that face. Just look at that face.
1. Danny Ferry
Danny Ferry basically invented the “Guy on Duke Everyone Hates” genre of college basketball player. Ferry was a pretty great college player, certainly better than his less than average Pro career would lead you to believe. But its a combination of his 80s Frat Movie Bad Guy look with his sneaky low post to mid range jumper game and his OG status that puts him at #1.
That’s the list. Argue all you want but just remember that we can all come together in the end and agree that Duke sucks.