Russian to Judgement- An Investigative Report

All anyone is talking about lately is Russia. It’s blowing up in the last 24 hours especially. I don’t know all the details…I’m only one man, and I’m busy trying to build up a brand here. But, I also know, you need to give the audience what they want. If people want Russia coverage…Le Cap is going to make sure to give it to them.

Now, this topic is so big, that I took it upon myself to head up the HTTA Independent Russia Investigation. And here is what we’ve turned up:

On October 27th, a Washington DC-based, Russian national was in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada for a scheduled rendezvous with a local  business. According to our investigation, this operative appears to make roughly 40 such trips, every year, all over North America. There is a pattern of the trips stopping over the summer months, when he’s been known to travel back and forth to and from his native Russia.

While out, allegedly shopping, this Russian seemed to have an interesting interaction with a local man. This interaction was reported on by a local source:


On it’s face, this certainly seems to be a random act of kindness. But, how can this be true? Alexander Ovechkin is the same man who has been accused of displaying “lackluster effort” professionally, and once was sort of blamed for his role for a knee-on-knee collision with another man. Clearly, these are serious character flaws, and would call into question any actions by him.

Well, as we dig further, we see that Ovechkin, in fact, appears to be hiding something. At first, he doesn’t want to talk about the incident, and then, when pressed, he noted that the guy was “almost naked”- you’ll notice this detail was omitted from the initial report from The Sequel Café”.  Certainly, any reasonable person could speculate as to the significance of this detail.



Thankfully, the Washington Post got involved, with their long-standing history of groundbreaking investigative journalism. They managed to get Mr. Ovechkin on the record with the below:

“I saw a guy with no shirt, so I went to the store to buy him a sweater, coat and hat,” said Ovechkin, reluctant to tell the story Saturday after the Capitals morning skate, in preparation for the game against Edmonton Oilers.

WHOA! Smoking gun? Now he BOUGHT the clothes? This, previously unreported information, does not match any of the prior accounts, including his own. Now, all of a sudden there is money involved?! Why didn’t he mention this before? Was there pressure from The Sequel Café, to not contradict their account?

So now we have a well-traveled, well-financed Russian national, exchanging money for “clothes” that may or may not have actually been purchased, and giving several different accounts of the whole encounter.

I’ll refrain from further speculation, but I want to get this information out to the Hi-Top readers. As we all know, Russia, is the hot topic.

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