If there’s one thing the Internet loves more than anything else it’s remembering stuff from the 1980s. And once you’ve remembered that long forgotten awesome thing then you can rank it against other awesome things you just remembered. Or compare it to all the sucky present day stuff. Or best of all, create fictitious matchups of a bunch of different awesome things in a BRACKET!!!!!
That’s right Hi-Topper Nation it’s the start of our totally awesome Shameless 1980s Nostalgia Tournament. The premise is simple. We pit two awesome things from the 80s against each other and our expert panel of Nostalgia Profiteers decide which awesome thing is more awesome.
First Round Matchup –
“Wolfman’s got nards!”
At first glance this may seem like a lopsided matchup. “Wolfman’s got nards!” is an all-time classic. I still say it five times a day in 2017. Every time Draymond Green kicks someone in the balls – “Wolfman’s got nards!”. I hit a homerun in beer league softball – “Wolfman’s got nards!”. Giving a best man toast – “Wolfman’s got nards!”. It really works for any occasion.
But let’s not underestimate one of the greatest board games ever invented. Torpedo Run! had everything, which is to say it had a board, plastic boats, and pellets you could actually shoot! Let me repeat that. YOU COULD SHOOT THE PELLETS ACROSS THE BOARD AND MAKE SHIT EXPLODE. No boring cards to turn over, no wussy dice to roll. Just boats and torpedos. REAL MAN SHIT. Give me a liter of ice cold Coca Cola, a bag of Doritos, and Torpedo Run! That’s a fun time.
Winner – By the narrowest of margins Torpedo Run! pulls the upset.
Now pass those Doritos, double up the elastics on your torpedo launcher (real Run!heads know what’s up) and let’s blow shit up!